I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
