All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
