let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
