And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
