and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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