You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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