you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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