I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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