my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
