There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
