The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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