I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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