dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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