That's intense
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
