last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
