My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to make a zoo with you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
