Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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