no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize