just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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