Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
