there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
