i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
