I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
