either way he was missing a nipple.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
