he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
