i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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