Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
