I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
