I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
