Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
