Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We are two peas in an std pod
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
