Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
