More tranny stories later!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
