its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
