You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
