My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
