At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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