Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to calm my uterus...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
