Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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