I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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