remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
