I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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