do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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