$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
