You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
