you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
