he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
