Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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