Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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