Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
