get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
