Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
