Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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